Many, many people fall into the trap of thinking that pronouns and gender follow strict patterns. If your pronouns are she/her, you’re woman. If you pronouns are he/him, you’re a man. And if your pronouns are they/them, you’re non-binary.
The fact is, the only thing somebody’s pronouns tell you about them is just that: their pronouns. I am one of those people (and there’s more of us than you think) that fall outside of this seemingly “traditional” way of thinking, in that my pronouns are they/them but I identify as a woman. People very often assume that because my pronouns are they/them, that I am non-binary, but that’s not the case.
Why then, if I identify as a woman are my pronouns they/them instead of she/her? It’s something I find difficult to put into words. And to fair nobody is owed an explanation for why someone’s pronouns are what they are, whether it seems to an observer to match their gender or not. It’s a sign of basic respect and empathy, and you don’t have to understand to be able to show someone kindness.
I asked friend of mine to share his thoughts on this subject, as he and I had spoken about this same topic recently. He said “For me, I use he/him pronouns but my gender is more of a mixture of femininity and masculinity all at once, though I tend to say transmasculine or genderqueer. It’s easy for people to assume I must be aiming for a passing cis man as my end goal for transition, since I use he/him, but I much prefer androgyny and a freedom to express whatever I feel in the moment.”
If you want to educate yourself more about pronouns, you can visit pronouns.org which is an amazing resource. Their about page includes the following:
“This website does not use the terms “feminine pronouns” or “masculine pronouns” because pronouns have no universal gendering, although we acknowledge that many people go by certain pronouns in order to express or affirm their gender. Many people may also go by certain pronouns because they are safe or socially accepted, even though those pronouns’ typical gender associations may not apply to that person. Some people go by “they” pronouns, which might be thought of as “gender neutral” pronouns, but could be used for a variety of reasons that may have nothing to do with the gender of the person who goes by them.”
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